So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
