don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
