Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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