So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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