Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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