Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
