yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
