Im at strip club and am horny
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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