But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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