Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
