Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
