How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
