get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
