$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
