I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
