Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
