Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it glows. i had to have it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
