he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
