the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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