I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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