he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
