so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
