I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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