yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
