I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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