how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
