I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
