In the future we'll all be gay
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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