Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
