return my video game
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
