remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
