I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
