You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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