My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
