dude i'm inner monologue high
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
