I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im holly from the hills drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
