guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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