Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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