Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
