My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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