watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
