I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
