Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
