Moan for me like Helen Keller
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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