tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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