Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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