I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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