How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
