Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
