dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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