I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
false alarm, still single
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
