remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
