so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
